1
00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:08,967
[Archer] Ugh, what is that?

2
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:10,844
I've never smelled that smell in America.

3
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:13,346
I live in a transitional neighborhood.

4
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:15,348
As the crack dealers move to nicer ones?

5
00:00:15,432 --> 00:00:19,144
This better be good, Krieger.
I mean, hula girls, a replica volcano,

6
00:00:19,227 --> 00:00:20,895
-some--
-I have something better!

7
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:21,938
A surprise!

8
00:00:22,021 --> 00:00:23,523
I hate surprises.

9
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:26,401
I mean, except surprise fellatio.
That I like.

10
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:28,278
The non-Midnight Cowboy kind.

11
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:31,698
-Yeah, no, you can breathe easy.
-Actually I can barely breathe at all.

12
00:00:31,781 --> 00:00:33,700
Oh, probably the bathroom.

13
00:00:33,783 --> 00:00:36,244
-Ugh, Jesus, it's a--
-A shared bath.

14
00:00:36,327 --> 00:00:38,038
I was gonna say a literal shithole.

15
00:00:38,121 --> 00:00:39,914
Krieger, how and why do you live here?

16
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:42,000
Yeah, I use my salary for pet projects.

17
00:00:42,083 --> 00:00:43,293
No! No!

18
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:47,297
I had Korean barbecue for lunch,
I cannot look at a Dr. Moreau pig-baby.

19
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:50,633
-Relax, you're gonna love this.
-No, I'm not, and also, I need to pee.

20
00:00:50,717 --> 00:00:53,678
Don't be nervous,
I'm not going to rape you.

21
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:56,806
Jesus Christ!
But you were gonna fillet me like a perch?

22
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,933
What? No, that's a wetsuit!

23
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:00,310
Of human flesh?

24
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,353
Neoprene! I'm a certified diver.

25
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:05,065
-Why is it skin-colored?
-Well, it's not if you're black.

26
00:01:05,148 --> 00:01:06,983
What is it with serial killers and skin?

27
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,235
I'm not a… serial killer.

28
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,821
Wait, why'd you emphasize serial?

29
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:15,075
I did what? Are we doing…
Did I mention I have a surprise for you?

30
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:18,787
Krieger! Equal parts soju, sangria,
and fear-induced adrenaline

31
00:01:18,870 --> 00:01:19,913
means I have to pee!

32
00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:23,458
-And not in that sick bathroom, so--
-Okay. There's a utility sink in my lab.

33
00:01:23,541 --> 00:01:26,127
-Fine, wherever. But no surprises.
-Right.

34
00:01:26,211 --> 00:01:27,712
Well, except for the one.

35
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,715
Uh, is the surprise
that you're pirating cable?

36
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,176
No! No, Archer, I've finally cracked it.

37
00:01:34,302 --> 00:01:37,138
Wow, amazing, you can play "YYZ."

38
00:01:37,222 --> 00:01:38,890
First of all, it's Y-Y-Zed,

39
00:01:38,973 --> 00:01:42,727
and second of all, no,
I can't yet, it's impossible.

40
00:01:42,811 --> 00:01:45,480
-Well--
-And third of all, wrong thing.

41
00:01:46,981 --> 00:01:48,691
Oh, my God. Krieger.

42
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:50,318
Is that--

43
00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:51,986
But how did--

44
00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:53,947
I, I mean, at our wedding--

45
00:01:54,447 --> 00:01:56,950
I know. There was a lot of confusion.

46
00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:58,827
No! Katya!

47
00:01:58,910 --> 00:02:00,453
No! [sobbing]

48
00:02:03,164 --> 00:02:07,335
Gross, and-or ick, and is she alive?

49
00:02:07,418 --> 00:02:08,878
Yeah, man. Flick her titty.

50
00:02:09,587 --> 00:02:12,257
-[mechanical whirring]
-Katya! You're alive!

51
00:02:12,340 --> 00:02:16,177
Well, on, technically.
Either way, you're welcome.

52
00:02:16,261 --> 00:02:18,179
My sweet, beautiful Katya, it's you!

53
00:02:18,263 --> 00:02:20,014
My darling Sterling,

54
00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:22,433
you awake me
like the prince of Snow White.

55
00:02:22,517 --> 00:02:23,768
I love you.

56
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,812
I… I love you.

57
00:02:26,354 --> 00:02:28,189
Krieger, thank you, this is the--

58
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:30,441
Why do you have an erection?

59
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:32,402
[voice cracking] I'm… happy.

60
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,488
[theme music playing]

61
00:03:08,730 --> 00:03:09,898
[Archer] Here they are.

62
00:03:09,981 --> 00:03:11,900
God, geese at the trough.

63
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:13,610
-What?
-Are you,

64
00:03:13,693 --> 00:03:15,320
thanks for starting my sentence for me,

65
00:03:15,403 --> 00:03:17,071
people standing around for?

66
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,489
It's Bear Claw Monday!

67
00:03:18,573 --> 00:03:20,116
And almost 9:30, Pam,

68
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:22,911
in case you were thinking about,
I don't know, working?

69
00:03:22,994 --> 00:03:26,748
-Jeez, somebody's raring to go.
-Because I burn clean, Cyril.

70
00:03:26,831 --> 00:03:29,250
Because I don't glop up my engine
with Bear Claws.

71
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:32,170
-And also because--
-Hello, friends of ISIS!

72
00:03:32,253 --> 00:03:33,755
-[women gasping]
-Oh, my God!

73
00:03:33,838 --> 00:03:36,925
And also because Katya needs a W-9.

74
00:03:37,008 --> 00:03:38,676
Holy shitzombies!

75
00:03:38,760 --> 00:03:41,137
-I know, right? Still crazy hot.
-How…

76
00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:44,390
-Well, for one thing, no Bear Claws.
-…is she even here?

77
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:46,559
-Wait, does this mean you and me--
-Pam!

78
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:49,187
I swear to God,
if you people can't keep it down,

79
00:03:49,270 --> 00:03:51,606
this is the last Bear-- [gasps]

80
00:03:51,689 --> 00:03:53,483
Am I seeing things?

81
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,693
No, she's really here…

82
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:58,238
-Ow! Ah!
-And if we don't file her W-9

83
00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,657
that first check will take,
like, eight weeks.

84
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:02,825
I'm sorry, I'm a little confused.

85
00:04:02,909 --> 00:04:06,329
-What, by the dead woman standing here?
-Dressed like a whore?

86
00:04:06,412 --> 00:04:08,748
Dead woman my still-shapely ass!

87
00:04:08,831 --> 00:04:12,710
She's obviously a double,
carved up by KGB plastic surgeons

88
00:04:12,794 --> 00:04:14,879
-to look like Katya, and--
-[Krieger] How dare you?

89
00:04:14,963 --> 00:04:15,797
I'm sorry?

90
00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:19,801
How dare you fail to recognize
my greatest accomplishment to date?

91
00:04:19,884 --> 00:04:21,970
What, you finally nailed "YYZ"?

92
00:04:22,053 --> 00:04:25,223
It's Zed! And no, Neil Peart stands alone.

93
00:04:25,306 --> 00:04:27,600
I was referring to this.

94
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:32,981
-Katya? On the flourish is when…
-Oh! Sorry, doctor.

95
00:04:33,064 --> 00:04:35,108
-[all gasp in awe]
-[Pam] Ew!

96
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,778
-Just like the gypsy woman said.
-You need to quit going to her.

97
00:04:38,861 --> 00:04:40,488
And you need your head examined

98
00:04:40,571 --> 00:04:43,992
if you think that abomination
is ever going to work for ISIS.

99
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:49,038
-[whimpers] Abomination?
-Baby, come on, you're not an abomination.

100
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:51,416
I mean, that's your original skin, right?

101
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:52,917
[coughing] Hobo.

102
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:54,544
-What?
-Yes.

103
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:55,753
-See?
-Yeah, but--

104
00:04:55,837 --> 00:04:58,423
Uh, hang on, hang on. Katya-person.

105
00:04:58,506 --> 00:05:01,634
I'm still processing the fact
that you're a cyborg.

106
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:04,637
-Yeah, way to bury the lead.
-Who're you, Horace Greeley?

107
00:05:04,721 --> 00:05:07,223
-And also, was I not clear about that?
-No!

108
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:09,434
Although she does feel a bit clammy…

109
00:05:09,517 --> 00:05:11,561
-Ow! Stop it!
-You stop it!

110
00:05:11,644 --> 00:05:14,355
Just because she's a cyborg
doesn't mean you can feel her up!

111
00:05:14,439 --> 00:05:17,567
Da, I have feelings just like all of you.

112
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,528
I feel love, I laugh, I sometimes cry…

113
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:22,780
Albeit a saline-lubricant solution.

114
00:05:22,864 --> 00:05:23,740
Which reminds me,

115
00:05:23,823 --> 00:05:26,659
-we need to talk about other internal--
-Stop!

116
00:05:26,743 --> 00:05:28,161
That sounds like a private matter.

117
00:05:28,244 --> 00:05:30,079
-Yeah, that's what I'm talking--
-And Katya,

118
00:05:30,163 --> 00:05:34,876
my lovely lady, needs to go with Pam now
to do her stupid W-9.

119
00:05:34,959 --> 00:05:37,503
-But Ms. Archer said--
-What, Pam?

120
00:05:37,587 --> 00:05:39,297
That she's so jealous
of my love for Katya,

121
00:05:39,380 --> 00:05:43,926
she won't hire a world-class spy
who also, spoiler alert, can do this?

122
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:48,264
-Babe, you wanna…
-Oh, uh, sorry, darling.

123
00:05:49,057 --> 00:05:50,266
[Cheryl] Hey!

124
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:53,102
[inhales] Wait, or do I mean sploosh?

125
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,438
You know, it's probably not the worst idea
in the world

126
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,941
to have someone like her
working at ISIS, since--

127
00:05:59,025 --> 00:06:00,777
Since you wanna screw affirmative action?

128
00:06:00,860 --> 00:06:03,446
Since the KGB has someone like Barry.

129
00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,572
Barry?

130
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:07,700
-That, that--
-Hey. Don't worry about Barry.

131
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,744
I'm never gonna let him
hurt you again, baby.

132
00:06:09,827 --> 00:06:11,871
Ha! It is Barry who should worry!

133
00:06:11,954 --> 00:06:14,290
If I ever see that zloi mudak again, I--

134
00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:15,833
Don't worry, you won't!

135
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:18,169
Yeah, he never calls, he never writes…

136
00:06:18,252 --> 00:06:20,213
So just go with Pam to do your paperwork.

137
00:06:20,296 --> 00:06:24,300
And I'll go try to convince Malory
that you'll be an asset to ISIS.

138
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:27,428
-Thank you, Lana, that's--
-So not doing it for you.

139
00:06:27,512 --> 00:06:29,180
So don't care.

140
00:06:29,263 --> 00:06:31,432
So, RoboCop, pro or con?

141
00:06:31,516 --> 00:06:32,558
Neither!

142
00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:34,393
I don't want her to be an ISIS agent,

143
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:37,772
and I certainly don't want her
and Sterling back together!

144
00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:41,526
-Well, I can understand the latter…
-I mean, who wears bangs?

145
00:06:41,609 --> 00:06:43,736
…but we can level
the playing field now that--

146
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:45,321
Nikolai has been murdered?

147
00:06:45,404 --> 00:06:49,117
By the new head of the KGB,
who is also a cyborg.

148
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:51,160
[Cheryl] Just like the gypsy woman said!

149
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:53,287
Oh, for-- Oh, all right…

150
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:54,205
[Archer] Really?

151
00:06:54,288 --> 00:06:56,749
-Katya can be an ISIS agent?
-Probationary.

152
00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,128
But if I find out the KGB is behind this--

153
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:03,548
-You won't! They're not!
-I'll part her out and sell her for scrap!

154
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:05,633
And I thought you were scared of robots!

155
00:07:05,716 --> 00:07:09,053
-I-- no. Well, not Katya, she's different!
-[scoffs]

156
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:11,639
Well, don't come crying to me
when she breaks your heart again.

157
00:07:11,722 --> 00:07:14,350
She didn't break my heart, Mother,
she was murdered.

158
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:17,311
Yes, and then you ran away
from home to, ugh,

159
00:07:17,395 --> 00:07:19,981
grief-bang the entire Pacific Rim.

160
00:07:20,064 --> 00:07:21,107
-[Katya] To what?
-Nothing!

161
00:07:21,190 --> 00:07:25,445
Oh please, I bet the gene pool
of Polynesia is irreparably altered.

162
00:07:25,528 --> 00:07:28,489
-Darling?
-Baby, I was emotionally shattered.

163
00:07:28,573 --> 00:07:31,617
Which turns out to be
kind of a panty dropper.

164
00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,162
It's all right, darling.
I understand this,

165
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:36,914
how do you say, "grief-banging"?

166
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:39,375
See? Is she not something special?

167
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,670
-[waiter] Oh, is special occasion?
-Well, the love of my life,

168
00:07:42,753 --> 00:07:44,797
this smoking-hot woman,
was not only murdered

169
00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:46,132
and then brought back to life,

170
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:49,760
she also just got a job today,
so, yeah, pretty special.

171
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:52,138
-Uh--
-Shut up. Babe? What're you hungry for?

172
00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:53,639
I am thinking.

173
00:07:53,723 --> 00:07:55,600
While she thinks,
bring me some soup dumplings.

174
00:07:55,683 --> 00:07:57,727
No, no, I am thinking about your mother.

175
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:00,480
God, don't waste the ROM.
Or RAM. Whatever.

176
00:08:00,563 --> 00:08:01,814
Does she hate what I am?

177
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:04,317
What you are, meaning the one woman
who can free her child

178
00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:07,653
from the psychological prison
she's spent a lifetime erecting?

179
00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:10,740
No, no, darling, meaning a cyborg.

180
00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:14,243
-She'd hate you no matter what you are.
-Because I did not ask to be this way.

181
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,079
Yeah, hey, me either, vis a vis Mother.

182
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:20,041
And you? Do you think I am a monster?

183
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:24,378
Baby, I don't care about the chips
and gears and… I assume some hinges.

184
00:08:24,462 --> 00:08:27,590
All I care about is what I see
when I look into those big green…

185
00:08:28,382 --> 00:08:30,551
Oh, I guess they're red now, huh?

186
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,386
-Anyway, your eyes.
-Da?

187
00:08:32,470 --> 00:08:35,556
-[mechanical whirring]
-And what do you see in my eyes?

188
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:37,558
Mostly those insane boobs.

189
00:08:38,309 --> 00:08:39,268
Check!

190
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:44,774
Ah. Eeh. Ah. [chuckles] Oh. Oh, boy.

191
00:08:44,857 --> 00:08:46,484
Darling, are you all right?

192
00:08:46,567 --> 00:08:49,195
Yes. No. Yes. Yes.

193
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:53,115
Lot, lot of feelings coming together,
just trying to process.

194
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,409
Not gonna lie, having some déjà vu here.

195
00:08:55,493 --> 00:08:56,827
[vacuum cleaner starts]

196
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:59,956
[moaning]

197
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:01,832
Ow. [screams] Ow!

198
00:09:02,333 --> 00:09:06,170
Which, if I gave it any real thought,
would probably explain a lot.

199
00:09:06,254 --> 00:09:07,630
Try to relax, darling.

200
00:09:07,713 --> 00:09:10,841
You are, how do you say it?
To push a rope?

201
00:09:10,925 --> 00:09:13,219
Sorry, babe, I'll, I'll focus.

202
00:09:13,302 --> 00:09:14,845
But could you close your eyes?

203
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:18,099
I kinda feel like I'm banging
tail-lights on a country road.

204
00:09:22,353 --> 00:09:24,981
[Archer] I swear to God,
if I went blind right this very second,

205
00:09:25,064 --> 00:09:26,357
I'd be okay with that.

206
00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,777
[chuckles] Don't say that,
Mr. Sleepy Head.

207
00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:32,697
Sleep? I've been doing
yogic breathing work for two hours.

208
00:09:32,780 --> 00:09:35,032
-My balls are like cran-baisins.
-What?

209
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:37,243
-Cranberry raisins?
-Craisins?

210
00:09:37,326 --> 00:09:40,288
Whatever, yes, I call them cran-baisins.

211
00:09:40,371 --> 00:09:43,291
-How are you this morning?
-I am amazing!

212
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:45,543
Don't take this the wrong way, but duh.

213
00:09:45,626 --> 00:09:48,212
[chuckles] I mean our love, darling.

214
00:09:48,296 --> 00:09:52,008
It feels like,
what is giant, unstoppable wave?

215
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:54,677
Wait, you know craisins,
but you don't know tsunami?

216
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,263
Da, then our love is like tsunami.

217
00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,140
Or the mountain Everest.

218
00:10:01,058 --> 00:10:02,685
[chuckles] An apt metaphor.

219
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:06,689
Because not only am I lightheaded,
certain parts of me are…

220
00:10:08,274 --> 00:10:11,527
[screams] No!

221
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:15,197
[weary sigh] They're not coming back.

222
00:10:15,281 --> 00:10:18,993
Why? In… in the sink? Is your vagina?

223
00:10:19,076 --> 00:10:21,454
Why? I mean-- [chuckles]
Darling, it was dirty.

224
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:25,416
The remedy for which, miss,
if you'll forgive my boldness…

225
00:10:25,499 --> 00:10:28,210
Da, please, Woodhouse,
I think boldness is needed.

226
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,337
What do you suggest?

227
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:32,506
White vinegar, mineral oil,
and elbow grease.

228
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:36,761
Same thing we used in the RFC to clean
the engines of our Sopwith Camels.

229
00:10:36,844 --> 00:10:38,721
[sputtering]

230
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:42,183
And so, with your permission,
while you breakfast on the terrace,

231
00:10:42,266 --> 00:10:44,977
I'll get that little pleasure boat
looking Bristol!

232
00:10:45,061 --> 00:10:45,978
[sputtering]

233
00:10:47,229 --> 00:10:49,732
I took the liberty of poaching you an egg.

234
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:51,692
[chuckles] Is not much of a liberty,

235
00:10:51,776 --> 00:10:54,153
considering that you are going
to polish my vagina.

236
00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:56,656
No. No, it isn't.

237
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,909
[Katya] And when he woke up
from faint, boom!

238
00:10:59,992 --> 00:11:01,369
[gunshots]

239
00:11:01,452 --> 00:11:03,954
He ran out of there,
like, fast, like, crazy.

240
00:11:04,038 --> 00:11:06,540
So, you dated him. What do you think?

241
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:07,583
I think…

242
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:08,501
Hang on.

243
00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:14,757
I think if you're looking for insight
into why Archer is… Archer,

244
00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:16,258
you need to jump in a time machine,

245
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,719
and then go have a threesome
with Oedipus and Sigmund Freud.

246
00:11:18,803 --> 00:11:20,888
Hey, spasibo for nothing.

247
00:11:20,971 --> 00:11:22,515
Well, I don't really have a roadmap

248
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:25,101
for my ex finding your robo-gina
in the sink.

249
00:11:25,601 --> 00:11:28,187
In the sink, Cyril! In the sink!

250
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:31,482
It was like a transistor radio
and a veal cutlet had a baby!

251
00:11:31,565 --> 00:11:34,402
-[sighs] Well, gross, and/or ick…
-Right?

252
00:11:34,485 --> 00:11:37,196
…but I don't see why that means
you must drink my Glengoolie Blue!

253
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:38,989
Because the liquor stores aren't open yet,

254
00:11:39,073 --> 00:11:41,200
and she made me pour out
all the booze at my house!

255
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:43,828
Holy shit, really? Glengoolie Blue?

256
00:11:43,911 --> 00:11:45,830
Yeah, and it's 300 a bottle.

257
00:11:45,913 --> 00:11:48,499
I-- which I haven't even tasted yet.

258
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:51,794
Because I was saving it
for a special occasion.

259
00:11:52,670 --> 00:11:54,797
Befitting a gift from my grandfather.

260
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,341
-Who's dead.
-[chokes]

261
00:11:57,425 --> 00:11:59,885
Of course he is, he'd be like, a hundred.

262
00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:02,847
-It's almost empty!
-Just like my heart, Cyril…

263
00:12:02,930 --> 00:12:05,307
-Well, not your liver.
-…because she ripped it out!

264
00:12:05,391 --> 00:12:07,309
-Wait, your liver?
-My heart!

265
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,978
And threw it in the sink!

266
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:10,312
Wait, her vagina?

267
00:12:10,396 --> 00:12:11,313
Ow! Ow!

268
00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:12,731
Oh, for--

269
00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,483
[burps]

270
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:16,485
Ah, the old man knew his scotch.

271
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:19,989
You are such an… asshole!

272
00:12:20,072 --> 00:12:22,032
[burps] Wait, really?

273
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:25,286
Yes, really.
That was a gift to my grandfather.

274
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:26,537
From Frank!

275
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:27,621
Sinatra!

276
00:12:27,705 --> 00:12:28,873
Well, then I feel even worse,

277
00:12:28,956 --> 00:12:31,083
because I'm probably gonna puke it up
in about five--

278
00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:33,002
[burps] One minutes.

279
00:12:33,085 --> 00:12:34,462
But I meant about Katya.

280
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:37,965
-Yes! You are an asshole about all things!
-[burps and grunts]

281
00:12:38,048 --> 00:12:40,634
But, specifically, now, about Katya.

282
00:12:40,718 --> 00:12:43,095
Or could I have done something wrong?

283
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,681
-Besides leavin' your cooch in the sink?
-[Lana and Ray] Pam!

284
00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:47,349
What? That just sounds considerate.

285
00:12:47,933 --> 00:12:51,395
It's just, I know he has very good reason
to hate…

286
00:12:51,479 --> 00:12:52,855
people like me.

287
00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:53,772
Who, whores?

288
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:59,028
And that's twice! Sorry, ignore me,
my whole thing is I just crave attention.

289
00:12:59,111 --> 00:13:02,364
[Archer] But I mean,
Barry did murder her-- [heaving]

290
00:13:02,448 --> 00:13:05,451
And my possible father--
[heaving and coughing]

291
00:13:05,534 --> 00:13:07,536
And more importantly, tried to murder me.

292
00:13:07,620 --> 00:13:10,247
-[heaves]
-Because Barry is a psychopath.

293
00:13:10,331 --> 00:13:12,917
That doesn't mean
all cyborgs are like that.

294
00:13:13,334 --> 00:13:16,587
But, Cyril, machines can hurt people.

295
00:13:16,670 --> 00:13:19,256
[young Archer screaming in pain]

296
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:23,052
Well, you lost me there, thankfully,
but-- Give me that!

297
00:13:23,135 --> 00:13:25,679
-What, was that Peter Lawford's?
-No, it was--

298
00:13:25,763 --> 00:13:27,973
Oh, shut up, do you wanna learn something?

299
00:13:28,057 --> 00:13:29,433
Probably not.

300
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:31,018
Because did you know that in Chinese,

301
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:33,812
the words for crisis
and opportunity are the same word?

302
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,523
And… point?

303
00:13:35,606 --> 00:13:36,982
[sarcastically] Hello?

304
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:40,778
Actually I have no idea. They just used
to say that in the hospital.

305
00:13:41,278 --> 00:13:45,115
While they made us fold
those pointy goddamn paper birds!

306
00:13:45,199 --> 00:13:48,827
-I think what she--
-Bawk-bawk, therapy cranes! Bawk!

307
00:13:48,911 --> 00:13:50,663
I think what she's trying to say is

308
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:53,082
you can either think of this
as a crisis…

309
00:13:53,165 --> 00:13:54,625
Or an opportunity.

310
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:57,670
-Like, to get closer.
-[unenthusiastically] Oh, hooray.

311
00:13:58,254 --> 00:13:59,296
By marrying her?

312
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:01,632
Okay, that actually was Peter Lawford's.

313
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,968
And why not,
you were gonna marry her before.

314
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,928
Before she wasn't a cyborg.

315
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,348
She's still kind and smart
and insanely hot.

316
00:14:09,431 --> 00:14:11,934
Mmm, yeah,
and even though it's detachable,

317
00:14:12,017 --> 00:14:14,395
that vagina is, like, mind-shattering.

318
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:16,772
Oh, yeah? What, does it…
does it vibrate, or--

319
00:14:16,855 --> 00:14:19,900
Ow! Ow! Dammit! Would you--
Hey, you started it!

320
00:14:19,984 --> 00:14:22,862
-That's my fiancée you're talking about!
-Really?

321
00:14:22,945 --> 00:14:26,532
I can look past our differences, Cyril,
I'm a much bigger man than you think.

322
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,158
Plus, it'll drive Mother crazy.

323
00:14:28,951 --> 00:14:30,286
Plus, yes, it vibrates.

324
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:34,081
-Really?
-Yes, really, and…

325
00:14:34,164 --> 00:14:35,958
-Krieger. Today?
-Hmm?

326
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:36,917
Oh! Sorry.

327
00:14:37,001 --> 00:14:38,711
Little thing called timing, Krieger.

328
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:40,796
And the erection's really not appropriate.

329
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,381
I'm still happy.

330
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,592
Katya? Baby?

331
00:14:44,675 --> 00:14:48,804
Oh, yes! Yes, a thousand times yes!

332
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,764
When's the wedding, when's the wedding?

333
00:14:50,848 --> 00:14:52,600
I can actually marry y'all right here.

334
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:55,060
[Malory] Oh, for God's sake!
Get it over with!

335
00:14:55,144 --> 00:14:56,896
-[glass shattering]
-[Archer laughing]

336
00:14:56,979 --> 00:14:57,855
-Brett!
-[screams]

337
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,899
Wait, do you want me to be a groomsman?

338
00:14:59,982 --> 00:15:02,234
No! Go to the liquor store and buy a ca--

339
00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:03,819
three cases of champagne.

340
00:15:03,903 --> 00:15:06,488
-Sure, I'll limp on down there.
-Don't limp, Brett.

341
00:15:06,572 --> 00:15:09,158
Run! We're having a wedding
in a few short minutes.

342
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,910
-[glass shattering]
-[laughing]

343
00:15:10,993 --> 00:15:12,244
And it's a win-win.

344
00:15:13,621 --> 00:15:14,538
Plus, it vibrates.

345
00:15:18,042 --> 00:15:20,377
Okay, bride and groom, check.

346
00:15:20,461 --> 00:15:22,796
Bridesmaids, check. Best man--

347
00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,007
-Well, best available.
-Oh, for--

348
00:15:25,090 --> 00:15:28,135
-Name one, name one friend of yours.
-Shut up.

349
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:30,721
Ray, don't you have, like,
a priest outfit, or…

350
00:15:30,804 --> 00:15:33,557
No, I wore it to Fetish Night at The Snug,
and it's covered in--

351
00:15:33,641 --> 00:15:34,642
Okay! Ugh.

352
00:15:34,725 --> 00:15:36,352
Red wine, ass.

353
00:15:36,435 --> 00:15:39,730
And who gives this woman
to be wed in holy matrimony?

354
00:15:39,813 --> 00:15:40,814
[saddened] I do.

355
00:15:40,898 --> 00:15:43,859
-And no mother of the groom, so--
-Yes! Right here!

356
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:45,486
Mother! You came!

357
00:15:45,569 --> 00:15:46,737
Phrasing, boom!

358
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:48,614
[clears throat] Inappropriate.

359
00:15:48,697 --> 00:15:51,784
All righty! So unless anyone,
besides Mommie Dearest,

360
00:15:51,867 --> 00:15:54,787
-objects to this union--
-[man] Uh, I think Other Barry might.

361
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:55,704
[everybody gasps]

362
00:15:55,788 --> 00:15:56,956
-[all] Barry?
-[Cheryl] Barry!

363
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,624
Yeah, and I brought bubbly.

364
00:15:59,208 --> 00:16:01,335
[Katya] You... mudak!

365
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:04,338
Whoa! You kiss your motherboard
with that mouth?

366
00:16:04,421 --> 00:16:08,842
And also, is anybody gonna ask
how and why I knew to show up here?

367
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,344
Is…

368
00:16:11,136 --> 00:16:12,346
Okay, I'll bite.

369
00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:15,683
By tracking the satellite signal
from Katya's internal hard drive,

370
00:16:15,766 --> 00:16:19,228
which Dr. Dipshit over there
bought from the KGB.

371
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:20,479
Wh-- Krieger!

372
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:23,732
-Yeah, but the savings…
-Like, 80 bucks you saved.

373
00:16:23,816 --> 00:16:26,318
But nobody is gonna save you, Archer.

374
00:16:26,402 --> 00:16:28,320
Don't you have that backwards?

375
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,072
-Archer, don't!
-[Ray] Everybody down!

376
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,866
[all exclaiming in exasperation]

377
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,995
Ugh, why do I always forget you're--
[groaning]

378
00:16:36,078 --> 00:16:36,954
Darling!

379
00:16:37,913 --> 00:16:38,998
…really super-strong.

380
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:42,418
Yeah, walk that off
while I, uh, kill your girlfriend again.

381
00:16:42,501 --> 00:16:43,919
Then we do the dance.

382
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,380
Actually, I don't think
I'm in any shape to dance right now.

383
00:16:46,463 --> 00:16:47,798
The dance of death, idiot.

384
00:16:47,881 --> 00:16:50,884
But first, let's me and you cut a rug.

385
00:16:50,968 --> 00:16:53,554
How you say, "Come at me, bro."

386
00:16:53,637 --> 00:16:55,639
[shouting in effort]

387
00:16:57,933 --> 00:16:59,727
-Ow.
-Is that the best you've got?

388
00:16:59,810 --> 00:17:01,729
-[Barry grunts]
-[Katya groaning]

389
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:05,149
Obviously not. But this is.

390
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:06,984
-[Barry groaning]
-[Katya grunts]

391
00:17:07,067 --> 00:17:08,986
[both shout in effort]

392
00:17:09,903 --> 00:17:10,738
[Katya grunting]

393
00:17:11,321 --> 00:17:12,322
[yells in effort]

394
00:17:12,406 --> 00:17:14,324
-[Katya screams]
-[crashing]

395
00:17:15,159 --> 00:17:18,037
Katya! Jesus! Somebody, a little help?

396
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:20,956
-We are if you'd shut up. It's pound.
-That is pound!

397
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:22,958
Pound six, pound five two.

398
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,588
-I'm confused, what're we--
-[Lana] Here!

399
00:17:28,964 --> 00:17:29,798
Still confused.

400
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,091
[Lana] Ray, now!

401
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:36,388
-Oh.
-Their CPUs run on photovoltaic cells!

402
00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:39,600
Without exposure to a light source,
they'll slowly lose power.

403
00:17:39,683 --> 00:17:41,143
[Archer] Hmm, like vampires?

404
00:17:41,226 --> 00:17:44,063
I-- no, nothing like vampires, idiot!

405
00:17:44,146 --> 00:17:45,898
Well, I'm sorry, Ira Flatow.

406
00:17:46,398 --> 00:17:47,566
From Newton's Apple.

407
00:17:47,649 --> 00:17:49,568
Will you shut up?

408
00:17:49,651 --> 00:17:51,987
If Barry gets weak enough,
maybe you can overpower him.

409
00:17:52,071 --> 00:17:54,114
I was just gonna say that. Move.

410
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:55,866
-[Malory] Sterling, be careful.
-Shut up.

411
00:17:58,368 --> 00:18:00,120
-Pam!
-It'll spoil.

412
00:18:00,788 --> 00:18:01,789
Goddamn it.

413
00:18:02,456 --> 00:18:03,457
Barry!

414
00:18:04,041 --> 00:18:05,876
-[Cheryl] Polo!
-Will you shut up?

415
00:18:06,543 --> 00:18:09,046
[clears throat and whispers] Polo.

416
00:18:09,129 --> 00:18:11,673
Beset on all sides by idiots.

417
00:18:12,299 --> 00:18:13,300
[man panting]

418
00:18:16,637 --> 00:18:18,555
[shouts in effort]

419
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:21,183
-[screaming] Goddamn!
-Brett?

420
00:18:21,266 --> 00:18:22,434
I thought you were dead.

421
00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:25,479
[voice trembling] No,
just hurt really, really badly.

422
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:29,358
[groaning] Although not nearly
as badly as I am now.

423
00:18:29,441 --> 00:18:31,610
[Malory] You better not be bleeding
on my carpet!

424
00:18:31,693 --> 00:18:34,571
No, pretty sure I'm all out of blood.

425
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:36,406
-Well, serves you right, for--
-[thudding]

426
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:41,245
[chuckles] Oh, Barry, I am coming for you.

427
00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:42,913
[Brett] Phrasing, boom.

428
00:18:42,996 --> 00:18:44,957
-[Ray] Brett!
-[Cheryl] Polo!

429
00:18:45,916 --> 00:18:50,546
And after I kill you and defile
your cyborg-y corpse, I'm gonna--

430
00:18:51,213 --> 00:18:53,799
-What? Oh, for shit's sake! Really?
-[woman gasping]

431
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:57,302
-Whoo, yeah!
-Darling, I can explain!

432
00:18:57,386 --> 00:19:00,180
-Ray, turn the lights on!
-[Krieger] Archer, no, the photovoltaics!

433
00:19:00,264 --> 00:19:01,890
[screams] Turn on the goddamn lights!

434
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:03,976
[screaming]

435
00:19:04,059 --> 00:19:06,145
Why do I always forget that?

436
00:19:06,228 --> 00:19:08,147
And how can you explain that?

437
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:11,024
-What, were they having sex?
-Think so, yeah.

438
00:19:11,108 --> 00:19:12,985
-Called it!
-[Barry laughing]

439
00:19:13,068 --> 00:19:17,281
As we fought, it became more like,
uh, like dancing.

440
00:19:17,364 --> 00:19:18,991
[Barry] Bone dancing.

441
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:21,702
Shut up! Katya, how could you do this?

442
00:19:21,785 --> 00:19:23,704
I'm sorry I hurt you,

443
00:19:23,787 --> 00:19:27,249
but I realized that even though you tried
to see past what I am,

444
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:29,293
Barry and I are the same.

445
00:19:29,376 --> 00:19:30,377
Inside and out.

446
00:19:30,460 --> 00:19:33,630
[laughing] Yeah,
except her insides vibrate.

447
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:34,715
[screams]

448
00:19:34,798 --> 00:19:36,216
-Ow! Ah!
-Ka-klink. [chuckles]

449
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:37,676
Always with the forgetting.

450
00:19:37,759 --> 00:19:40,846
We are like two mermaids,
we must swim together.

451
00:19:40,929 --> 00:19:43,223
So, I won't ask you to forgive me,

452
00:19:43,307 --> 00:19:45,267
but could you at least be happy for me,

453
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,603
because I have finally found a soulmate?

454
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:48,520
No!

455
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,565
Or… whatever.

456
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,734
I guess. Yes.

457
00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:55,527
Thank you, darling.

458
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,280
You will always have
a special place in my…

459
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:01,283
well, I guess my C drive.

460
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:06,914
While Other Barry and I are
in her other special place.

461
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,999
Which, again, vibrates.

462
00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,500
Later tater.

463
00:20:13,337 --> 00:20:15,797
[sighs] Well, Mother, go ahead and say it.

464
00:20:15,881 --> 00:20:18,383
Oh, Sterling,
you've just had your heart broken,

465
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:22,012
you don't need a smug
"I told you so" from me.

466
00:20:22,095 --> 00:20:25,891
And smug it would be,
because tell you I most certainly did.

467
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:31,688
Just like that Electrolux all over again.

468
00:20:31,772 --> 00:20:34,691
So… I know that sucked.

469
00:20:34,775 --> 00:20:37,819
Vacuum cleaner puns? Now? Really?

470
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:41,782
No idea, thankfully, about any of that,
but if you really did love Katya,

471
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:44,409
you've gotta be happy that she's happy.

472
00:20:45,285 --> 00:20:46,453
[Archer] Yeah.

473
00:20:46,536 --> 00:20:48,121
She did look pretty happy, huh?

474
00:20:49,790 --> 00:20:52,709
-[inaudible]
-[gentle guitar riff playing]

475
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,350
[theme music playing]